Chasing Those Elusive ZZZZ’s

So…after another night of getting, maybe, three hours of sleep, I’ve decided to tackle the issue of insomnia head on. A review of internet sites dealing with the problem reveal some ways of dealing with it. I specifically looked at sleeplessness and MS and found some potentially helpful ideas. Of course, the caveat always is “…because MS is an unpredictable disease and sleep problems may or may not be a factor…” I can’t always blame the disease for awake times at night.

Last night, I was so frustrated, I covered my digital clock with clothes I pulled out of a drawer because the numbers were so bright. Turns out, that was a good thing to do because one of the online sites noted that just focusing in on that clock to verify you are awake and what time is it anyway? stimulates your brain making it more difficult for it to settle back down to sleep.

Turns out, I’m doing most things wrong in order to prepare for sleep.

First, and probably the chief culprit, I take a nap during the day. I’m so tired because of not sleeping, at around 1:30 p.m., my body starts to fade so I toddle off to my easy chair for a few winks. This would be OK (according to one site) if I kept the nap short and sweet. What I’m doing now is dozing on and off ’til about three p.m. It’s too much. I’m not tired enough at night thus perpetuating a vicious cycle.

Secondly, I have a TV in the bedroom. A big no-no. Then, while watching said TV propped ever so comfy against the pillows, I succumb to the nighttime munchies, i.e. chips, chocolate, ice cream. Ideally, there should be NO eating (especially chocolate which has caffeine), and NO TV. Go to bed at the same time, maybe read a book, listen to relaxation CDs, anything that quiets the mind and bod. But wait. If the bedroom is supposed to be for sex and sleeping only, does this mean it is OK to read a book, and listen to nice CDS while getting cozy with the hubby? Somehow, I don’t want to end up in divorce court because a book and some music came between us.

When leg spasms strike, as it did last night, I was ready to consign the offending limb to Hades. Remember my post about the Jack Daniels toddy I took once before in desperation? Well, the bottle came out and  I once again took a shot hoping to put me to sleep. Ding. Ding. Ding. Wrong again. The toddy did finally put me to sleep, but the liquor didn’t keep me asleep. Another sleep fallacy regarding drinking and sleep revealed.

So, in short, what I will do today is only take a cat nap, no caffeine or other drinks close to bedtime (if the caffeine doesn’t get me, too much to drink will necessitate a visit to the bathroom), no snacks. The TV, I think, has to stay but I will turn it off (and cover its dials) and,  before my actual sleep time, I’ll read for a while before turning out the lights. If Bill wants to get frisky, I’ll hand him some relaxation CDs and tell him to choose two and see me in the morning.

 

 

High-Tech Gizmos

I guess if you have to be physically impaired, this is the computer age for it. I have made use of several assistive devices in my managing of MS symptoms. But with the exception of my low-tech, all-purpose hot dog turner (great for picking up stuff – not hot dogs – from the floor), none (so far) will compare to my high-tech voice-activated speech recognition device.

I ordered this thing last week, and it should be delivered in a day or so. It’s going to work with my word processing software, and along with the headsets, it should make my writing super easy because whatever I say will appear on my computer screen – no typing involved. This will be so cool because now when I compose this blog, or any other thing I type, my thoughts come so quickly, I cannot type using my one finger fast enough to keep up.

This is an area of frustration because back in the day I could easily type approximately 60 words/minute. Now that my left hand is uncooperative at the keyboard, my pointer finger on my right hand gets a workout. But “it” cannot keep up with the random babble in my head.

The only downside I foresee is if I talk into the microphone before thinking my thoughts through logically. I’ll have on the screen before me evidence of a possible link to mental instability. I wonder how the delete function will operate? Update to follow…

 

 

Identity Theft

I was pondering my life the other day, and I’ve come up with an interesting observation: I am known by many names to many people. How is it that MS has taken away a major identifier in that list? How do I put that into perspective?

Early on, I was known as a daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece and neighborhood chum. I slowly added student, girlfriend,  wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law,  and mother to the mix. Then came employee, taxpayer, author, mother-in-law, blogger and grandmother. Now, years later, I am still all of those identities…all except one. I am no longer an employee.

About three years ago, I had to leave my position as a credit manager with a small manufacturing company because of worsening MS symptoms. I had been dealing with the disease for about eleven years and had been managing OK. When fatigue started to become an issue, and my faltering gait was not remedied by a cane, I reasoned that it was time to gracefully bow out of the job.

Now, my job was not a barn-burner, and I wasn’t saving lives or anything like that, but my diligence in maintaining monies coming in and going out of the company (I was also accounts payable) was a job I loved and did well. Because the company was small, I could see the direct relationship between keeping the company solvent and keeping those in the factory (and office) employed. So, when MS forced me to quit, I lost a major source of my identity – one of marketable professional.

All pop psychology books will tell you that you are a sum of your parts. Well, I had a great chunk stolen from me. The unexpected fallout of the job loss was how strongly it affected me. Who would have guessed that would happen? We all think we are mostly in charge of setting the terms for our employment, but sometimes that isn’t the case.

Unemployment through illness forces you to come to grips with uncontrollable events. I’ve become much more aware of the vagaries of life. Also, no matter how top-notch you were in your working life, someone out there can also do it, and  do it just as good as you. At best, you will be fondly remembered by the company as someone who used to work there.

So, in short, just because I lost this one descriptor, all of my other identities are safe and sound and theft-proof. They are intrinsically me. They are – happily – proving to be the ones, in the end, that really matter.

 

 

Spitting in the Wind?

I love watching the shows on the Home and Garden TV (HGTV) network. My husband and I become armchair advisors to the folks either looking for first-time homes, upgrading their current home or just desiring to move upward in square footage. In the safety of our home, we constantly berate those who want absolutely high-end everything but have absolutely low-end budgets. Away back in the Dark Ages, we were amazed at our good fortune that our first house had four walls and a roof!

What I’ve noticed about these shows, after faithfully watching them all for several years, is that they rarely give airspace to folks with handicap issues. Of course, I realize we are a fraction of the population, and no one really wants to watch a show about people who struggle to maneuver around their homes, but I’ve only seen two shows, out of the hundreds I’ve watched, that have dealt with the issue. There might have been a few more I might have missed, but I’m betting they were on in the wee hours.

One show featured a woman (mid 30s) who was facing double ankle replacements. First of all, who even knew such a thing was possible? Obviously, she needed to get out of her two-floor home into something on one level. They found a fixer-upper and her husband promised to redo it before her upcoming surgery. He did and all was well.

The second show involved a woman (mid 30s) who had MS. Now, this show I thought I could relate to. Even though I am older, the idea of looking for a better-suited home resonated with me. I followed her search from house to house. Sometimes she used a cane to walk and other times she didn’t need it. All the homes had two-floor layouts. I kept shouting at her through the TV screen to find a one-level home. She didn’t listen and ultimately selected a two-floor home.

In the spirit of trying to either win a house online at HGTV  (not really feasible because their “Dream Home” was huge and multi-leveled), or find rehab advice to assist handicap folks adapt their homes (I again only found two references and they both dealt with bathroom layouts), I finally gave up and realized these television shows were for entertainment only. No reality checks there.

So, I will continue to talk back to the television screen in hopes that my sage advice will be heeded. It’s a vastly diverting occupation but one guaranteed to be totally ignored.