Life Control Issues

I’ve been thinking lately about MS and control; specifically, the lack of it. The definition of this disease always incorporates the word “unpredictable” i.e. it’s symptoms are different for everyone.

When I was diagnosed ten years go, I spent many anxious weeks wondering what was going to happen to me next. I lived my life waiting for the other “shoe to drop” but in my subconscious I denied that anything more would happen.  Like the stages of grief, I moved into the anger phase: Why had this happened? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Bargaining came next: If only I could regain my life as I knew it, I would be a much better person and would volunteer to work at a soup kitchen or something.

When that didn’t fly, I became depressed. Not clinically where I took medication, but the “woe is me” kind. I couldn’t sustain that because I am naturally an optimistic person. And so, thirteen years from my first flare-up (the doctor wouldn’t confirm that I had MS until my second one three years later) I finally arrived at acceptance.

But that doesn’t mean I liked giving up control.  Eventually I realized I had a different kind of control. Now, there are choices I can make: I choose to try and be positive; I choose to eat healthier and exercise; I choose to only have positive-minded people around me as much as I can; I choose to stay with my prescribed MS medicine until a cure is found.

In other words, my new normal is controlling my lack of control.

Hope Wins Out

I am basically a hopeful person. After last week’s flare-up and ensuing incapacity, I am slowly getting back my inner resolve to do all I can to overcome the debilitating effect of this disease.

The physical therapist is coming today for my first homebound session. Because my experiment with walking every day did not pan out, I am hoping a professional will help me to get a more realistic plan of action.

I am also getting back to eating healthier and staying away from bread products. I’ve resumed keeping a food journal to keep track of which foods my body doesn’t like. I recommend this because you can’t  keep track in your head of everything you eat. I found out yesterday after eating a Wendy’s cheeseburger that two hours later I couldn’t move either of my legs. It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten fast food, especially a big bun like that, that I’m betting it was this that caused the problem. The sandwich tasted so good but I paid a price.

I’m also eating more protein and am looking into the powdered protein you add to food. Anyone with suggestions of foods that will combat fatigue? I know eggs, chicken, and fish are good. Doing something is better than doing nothing.

Hope will win out.

 

 

I’m Back

Oh my goodness. I just started this blog and already I had to take time off from it!

After many months – actually I can’t remember the last time – I had a flare-up. My right leg, from toes to bust, went numb on me. I have been experiencing slowly worsening symptoms over two years, and I thought I was in the secondary phase of MS. This new spell shows me I’m still in the relapsing/remitting phase. Normally, my left side is weak, with foot-drop being the major hurdle to walking. Now, with the right side gone as well, I literally don’t have a leg to stand on.

To say this has thrown me for a loop would be an understatement. My husband, who works part time, has been home trying to help me with bathroom visits, showers, dressing, cooking, etc. Finally, my doctor ordered the Visiting Nurses/home health aides/physical therapists to come in. He also prescribed a high-dose steroid for three days to try and shorten the spell (1000 mg of Prednisone equaling 3000 mg).

I am not a happy camper.

But, here I am, typing this with one finger, and wondering…what new adventure is waiting for me next??