Here we are – 2017 – almost halfway through January. Show of hands, please, as to who has already broken one or more of their resolutions to do better. Didn’t make any? Neither did I. It’s just too darn depressing to realize – once again – that my good intentions fall away as soon as I have a Starbuck’s Frappucino in my sight, or a Bradley & Wall pizza slice on my plate.
However, all may not be lost. I was reading in Momentum Magazine (a publication put out by the MS Society) about things we can do to build up our resilience. They gave a list of things to focus on : getting enough sleep, exercise, social support, and meditation to name a few. One other thing mentioned really surprised me, though, as I had never thought of it before nor realized how beneficial it could be: forgiveness.
For-give-ness. Amazing, right? One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to actually forgive MS – its existence in our lives, the havoc it has caused, the things it has taken away from us…all of it. I’ll admit, I’ve been hostile about the whole thing since my diagnosis 14 years ago. That’s a long time to carry a grudge.
So, I made a concerted effort to forgive it. I made a mental list of all the things I was sore about, checking off each insult to my body and letting it go – my forced retirement, my inability to walk anymore, my one-fingered typing (my past personal best was 80 WPM so you can imagine how it rankles losing that speed!) I let it all go, and incredibly I did feel better. Lighter and freer somehow. I no longer have that “woe is me” attitude.
I’m in a good place now: hopeful and, yes, more resilient. Instead of dwelling so much on what has negatively changed in my life, I can stop looking inward and see life happening all around me and engage in it.
One further note on how noble I was letting go of my resentments, I kicked them out of my life without once uttering any swear words on their way out.
I wonder how long that nobility will last?
MS, Actually 
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