Control and Its Illusion

Now that summer is almost over with Labor Day being just a few days away, I am ending my summer sabbatical and getting back into the business of posting about life with MS. Maybe it was dealing with the heat, missing get-togethers because it was less stressful to just stay home, or the inability to get the ol’ brainpan to come up with interesting essays, I’ve been neglectful – but it ends here and now. I’ve cleared the cobwebs and am ready to comment on my life again.

I’ve noticed that, besides the various consequences that come along with MS, the control issue remains front and center with me. I don’t like not having it. When I am in a particularly feisty mood I’ll innumerate all those things in my life that used to be in my control but are no longer. Wisely  I’ve realized that thinking these thoughts can preceed mental disaster…i.e. depression.

So I’ve decided to regain control of my thoughts and channel them into positivity. After all, there are plenty of things still remaining to be grasped firmly into my hot, sweaty hand. Things like folding towels in such a way as they slip neatly into the bathroom ring holder; organizing my make-up in such a way that it is easily within my grasp; making sure that my chilled wine coolers and Starbuck’s Frappucinos are always lined up in the ‘fridge ready to consume at a moment’s notice.

These things may not seem like much, but when your mobile world has shrunk, it takes on huge importance.  Like always having the TV remote handy so you have the control of it at all times. Ditto for the air-conditioning remote. Ordering folks around in my kitchen ala Anthony Bourdain.

I have been told by some members of my family – who shall remain nameless – that I am turning into a tyrant. Not so. I’m only organizing them and suggesting that they to do things my way. It’s called management. CEO’s get paid big money to do this. My expert opinion is given gratis. Some people just don’t appreciate me.

The next time you might feel like control of your life is slipping away, remember all the great despots of the ages. You may not be able to do the things you once did, but, like them, you can always find someone you can harass into doing them for you…as long as you don’t threaten them with exile – that would be counterproductive for you in your situation.


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