Channeling Utopia

You know you’ve reached that “grown-up” phase of your life when you mostly look back instead of looking forward. You’ve got to have some history behind you before you can truly detect the forks in your “road.” It’s not all depressing, though. You can now examine, unemotionally, those forks and see the near misses you’ve had. I’ve had a few and it still chills me how different my life could have been if I followed the wrong way.

The downside to this phase is that, besides contemplating these interesting turns, I’ve now divided my life into two parts: BMS and AMS (Before MS, After MS). This division tends to color my reminiscences and projections. My filter now, in the BMS section, is remembering events with a body that did what you told it to do. My second-half future is full of question marks regarding dealing with upcoming events with a body now in rebellion.

It seems you must acquire the wisdom of Solomon to separate MS attacks with just plain getting old; the patience of Job to deal with both simultaneously; and the humor of Erma Bombeck (famous for saying “When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.” Notice I didn’t refer to any biblical character to get the humor infusion. There just isn’t anyone in those pages that I can read who even laughed! My inspiration will have to be Erma or maybe David Sedaris (“Me talk pretty one day.”)

All in all, I’m wondering if sells crystal balls. This way I can get a jump on things (figuratively speaking) and orderly arrange the randomness of MS into knowable facts to deal with and no guesswork would be involved. It could mean the hours of daydreaming I spend on useless thinking could be transformed into way more useful activity. Like trying to find if God likes practical jokes…unless He does…and it’s called American politics.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. deuce2treble3quinn4
    Apr 15, 2015 @ 14:34:20

    I used to have a BA (before anxiety) and AA (after anxiety) way of looking at things. Now I can add MS to that too, but sometimes now I think maybe the start of anxiety was also the start of my MS, so it’s one and the same. I’m trying not to think of things that way anymore but it’s hard sometimes.


  2. Miss Jan's Words
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 06:59:34

    I definitely believe anxiety and MS go together. The trick is not to let it overwhelm us. Some days are better than others, so we’ve got to focus on positive stuff to accumulate so we can draw from that when the going gets tough. But you’re right. It’s hard sometimes.


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